Grief: Acknowledging Triggers
Many of us have gone through different situations
within our journeys that we would more than likely not want to relive or, much less talk about. It's apart of the circle of life. The inevitable. The uncertainty that life brings is something that we cannot avoid. Unpacking it, is what is most difficult and the traumas that come along with that. Processing a whirlwind of emotions; grief often feels like you may very well be carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, on your mind, and even in your heart.
One month ago, Today, the world loss Kobe Bryant, his daughter, Gianna "Gigi" Bryant, and seven of their other friends/colleagues in a horrific helicopter crash in Southern California. The death of one of my childhood heroes stirred up some very familiar but unpleasant emotions that gave me the idea to write about it using this space. It brought back the feeling of losing my Papa when I was 21 and also brought back similar feelings of when my cousin was killed when I was 17. I took the time to honestly sit down and evaluate my life and my purpose because of this tragedy. It reminded me of how fragile life can be and how we often get caught up in a state of always going, running on auto-pilot, and forgetting the things that truly matter when it all boils down. Love. It is so important for us to LOVE, the people we love, the ones that love us, and the things that bring us joy in our lives. That is what truly matters, and I feel like we are ALL guilty of allowing many things that may not matter, get in the way of living a purposeful each day.
Grief is something that I am very familiar with, and no matter how many times I have experienced this familiar emotion, it is still something that is very hard for me to process whenever it presents itself. Grief is a response to loss. It is linked to the loss of someone or something in which you have formed a bond with, and have affection towards. People often only focus on the emotional aspects of grief, but it also has physical, cognitive, behavioral, social, cultural, spiritual, and philosophical impacts on people. Since I was a teenager, I have experienced death in many forms. People very close to me were killed, some developed terminal illnesses and some have even taken their own lives. I want you to think about something for a moment, I am 28 years old, and I know more people that have died than the number of years I have been here on this earth. And now I would like for you to think about how this would shape one's life. I am not writing this to make any of you feel sorry for me or have any pity on me, but I would like to share what I have learned by experiencing Grief in my life, and hopefully, it can help others. I am here to say that there is no ideal way of grieving; it is neither right, nor is it wrong.
Everyone grieves in their own ways, BUT first I want to share that Grief comes in many different forms, such as:
The end of a relationship
Death of a loved one, pet, family member, or partner
Illness, severe or terminal of self or loved one
Lack of stability, emotional or financially
Losing a job
Experiencing a miscarriage, losing a child, pregnancy complications
End of a friendship
A dream crashing down
Not feeling safe after a traumatic event.
Moving
Career changes
Entering new chapters in life, such as graduating high school or college.
Grief is a reaction to loss, and the grieving process that I will be getting more in-depth with is the one that arises during death. Death is complicated and may very well be something that we will never be able to understand, ever. So the first step is to acknowledge what feelings this event has brought to you, many of us experience denial for some time when learning about what occurred, but it is so crucial for you to acknowledge the pain that you are experiencing. Emotions and feelings are like waves, and they flow, so that means they do not last forever. The more you suppress them, you are more likely to experience a tidal wave or tsunami, which means your emotions will eventually uncontrollably come crashing down. Once it gets to that stage, it is hard to process. Next, allow what comes along with it to flow, so many different, unwanted and unexpected emotions can arise and do not compare yourself to anyone during this time, you are your OWN being your feeling are VALID and do not allow anything or anyone to make you feel less than because of how you are grieving. I understand first hand how unbearable this process can be and I did not take the advice that I am about to give you but please do not isolate yourself during this time and seek support, try to surround yourself with the love you can from the people and things in your life that bring you joy, it truly makes a difference and if you do not feel as though you have people or things in your life, seek out counseling, it truly changed and saved my life! Before I got the help that I needed, I couldn’t support myself in the way that I needed. I barely ate, moved, or had the energy to do anything. You really have to take care of yourself. Eat and Sleep, it is so vital to not deplete yourself during this time. I would also like to share that I have dealt with depression since childhood; however, grief triggered my depression on a whole different level, and at that point, it is absolutely imperative to seek professional help.
If you are experiencing any of the following PLEASE seek professional mental help:
Fear about your own morality, panic attacks, constant worrying, helplessness and anxiety
Constant Fatigue and Nausea
Rapid Weight loss or gain
Physical pain
Grief can come in stages or can hit you with a whirlwind of emotions with so many different and constant high and low points. All this is natural and unique to you. I want to say to you that within time passing, you will learn to carry on, I do not want to say that time heals all wounds because, in all actuality, I’m not very sure if that is true for every person. Still, when a part of your heart dies, that void will never be filled, but I can assure you that you will find new joy in life. The most beautiful and scariest part of life is that nothing is permanent, so the pain you are feeling will pass. Please do not leave your grief untreated; it can have a significant emotional toll on your life, damage your self-esteem, and hurt your relationships. Seek support through friends, family, spirituality, religion, and even support groups. Use social media more purposefully, following support groups or accounts that are uplifting, and understanding of the space you are currently in your life. Try your best not to keep what you're feeling bottled in, write, paint, draw, sing, find creative outlets that you can pour into and create something beautiful from your pain, you may find a new passion through the process and even discover what’s your purpose. Try and be active, workout, go to a museum, check out a local band, or head to a spoken word; it can be very therapeutic. Prepare yourself for the unavoidable, seeing pictures or being in a particular space may bring back feelings of grief after time, and that is entirely normal. You are human, not a robot. Your feelings are valid, always, and grief has a different time-span for every single being that experiences it. I send you Infinite Love from the bottom of my heart forever, and I genuinely hope that this post helps you navigate through troubled waters. Please take care of yourself and never be ashamed of what you feel.
This Post is in Honor of Raymond Gilbert Williams, Chad Wilkins and KObe & Gianna Bryant 🕊
And like always, I leave you with LOVE and open arms, and if you are feeling abandoned, unworthy or helpless, please do not ever hesitate to reach out to me! I will help with every ounce of my being!
I hope this post can be helpful to you and if it was, please comment below or send a message my way!
"Here's to having the inner reflect on the outer and glowing from the inside out… infinitely"
DISCLAIMER: I am not a professional in the fields of the topics that I will be discussing on this site. This is my advice through trial, error, research, consultations, and personal experience. Always consult with a professional if you have any doubts or second thoughts about any information given.